I like to focus on the crease of my eye here.
CAR HORN BLARES
Get out the way!
Hey. Oh, my God.
What happened to your face? Nothing.
Seriously, though, like. I'm not Shirley Bassey.
I don't need a feather boa. It's just a birthday badge.
It cost me 3.99. Thanks. You want the money for it, or something?
No, I just want you to enjoy your birthday. What's wrong with that?
Why should I celebrate that we're rotting in this shithole,
crawling towards death?
Jesus, Lyd, that's bleak!
Wow. What actually is this hair, though? You look like Saruman.
No, I think it's really nice. It's not. I mean, the cheeks.
Like full drag queen. So what? I've got make-up on.
Why do you care so much. Whatever.
Seriously, I don't want to do anything tonight. Seriously.
Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in.
Sup?
All right, Miss? All right?
Well, move it, then. My office, now.
Pronto.
Come on!
See you later, then. Let's go, chop chop, suey-suey. Suey-suey.
Suey-suey!
Ask the mortician for a makeover, did you? What? School handbook.
Handed to every student on their first day.
So don't play the "I ain't never seen that before, ref" card with me.
OK, section 15. No defacing of the uniform. Section 19.
Female pupils are permitted to wear minimal make-up deemed
acceptable by their teachers.
Well, guess what? What? I don't deem.
Miss, seriously, everyone wears make-up.
What are you picking on me for?
Because you ran out of my detention. Oh, no. You see, I got the hump.
Here's a little question for you.
Do you want to end up in prison? Hm?
No, because the forecast is black ice,
and you are on a slippery slope in skis.
That's actually quite a good one, and I will be using that again.
Not on you, obvs.
Get out.
Get a wet wipe on those chops.
Oh, hey, babe. I've been looking for you. Hiya.
Oh, my God. I love your hair.
Oh, no, I'll just tie it up. No, you can't. Seriously, don't.
Yes. I love all this. Are you coming to English?
Yeah.
Look, guys! The girl from The Ring just walked in.
Oh, my God, Beth. Your hair's hanging.
Sorry, babe. I said me and Beth would sit together today.
But I've already unpacked my bag. I can help you move your stuff.
It's OK.
I'll be back.
Oh, my God. Blocker just tore me a new arsehole.
She slammed the handbook on the table right in front of me, slammed it...
Poppy. Oh, hey, babe. Hey, babe.
Just so you know, I was chatting to some of the boys earlier,
and they were saying some stuff about you. Oh, yeah?
Yeah, that you gave Princey Smith a toothy blowjob.
Well, that's not true, so...
Yeah, well, that's what everyone is saying, so... As if.
Pop gives a stunning blowjob, don't you, babe?
You wish you knew, Jamie. Yeah, to be fair, I do, actually.
Jamie Dalton. What have I said about rubbing your bum on desks?
Seat, please. What was that? Right, exam eve is upon us.
Like Christmas Eve, only not fun.
I've got a really good feeling about this one, Miss? Yeah?
Going to actually read the book this time, is it, Priest?
What book is it again? Fantastic. Jane Eyre! Twasack.
Right. It's 11am sharp. Latecomers won't be allowed in.
And lest we forget, it contributes to your overall GCSE grades,
so, you know, pull your fingers out.
Do you want to revise together tonight? I could come to yours.
BETH!
WHERE'S MY KEYS?
I can't because we're having a conservatory built, sorry.
You could come to mine. My mum would cook.
Yeah, OK. Yeah, sounds good.
INTERNAL DIALOGUE: I'd better shave my legs.
I'm expecting big things from you tomorrow. I aim to impress, Miss.
I have no idea what... Hey, fanny licker. Just ignore him.
Fanny licker!
Bethan! What, Priest? Let me see what I'd look like with a fringe.
What? Come on.
Do you want to not touch her! Touchy!
Hey.
Be honest, now, Beth. Have you got a clit boner for Popsicle? Shut up.
Get your hand off her, you ugly dumb fuck.
BOYS: Oooh!
What did you say? Did I stutter?
Say that again.
Or what? And I'll rip your tits off, all right? Pops, come on.
Oh, yeah? Come on, let's just go. Yeah, walk away. He's not worth it.
Yeah, keep walking. Yeah, you ugly dumb fuck!
Come here, you carpet munchers!
Come here, you dykes!
I'm coming for you!
Oh, my gosh!
Feel my heart.
My God! I know, it's like, boom-boom, boom-boom, boom-boom...
Oh, my gosh.
Thanks for defending my honour. Got to protect my gal, you know.
Not having him talk to you like that.
What, do you, like, love me or something? Mm.
Beth?
Are you all right?
Oh, my God, run. Run, run, run, run, run, run, run!
As if I wouldn't see you, you're not even hid! Yeah, run, little piggies!
Heya. See? She's home. I told you she wouldn't be long.
I had a free period, so I came back.
So they let you out, then, Mam?
Yeah. What did they say?
They just rung and said I got to come and get her.
So what happened to saying she's a danger to herself?
She's just suddenly better now, is she? Her meds have kicked in.
It just seems a bit soon.
Said they're pleased with me, Beth. Right.
Pick a colour off there.
I'm going to paint your room, whatever colour you want?
Where's the money coming from?
Do you want it done or not?
You OK?
Yeah.
My legs are hairy too.
But they don't let you have razors in there. Why?
Why do you think? Oh. Oh, yeah.
Come on, then.
Come on. I'll do your legs.
Sit down.
Oh, gosh. They're pretty bad. Cheeky madam!
Thank you.
It's OK.
Mam? These are like babies' arms.
When did you last do these? I don't know.
You should be back at school now.
Thank you. It's OK.
I love you.
See you later.
Goodbye. Goodbye.
Where have you been? Shitting out a brick? A breeze block, actually.
Seriously, are your guts all right? Yeah, Trav, yeah.
My IBS is playing up.
Excuse me.
You. Follow me now.
Sit.
Er, yeah, miss, I was... Not very well. No, no, no, no, no.
Know what that is? That's a truth time. OK.
Woman to woman, all right? What is going on here?
We're in a storage cupboard. All right, silly bugger, I know.
What I mean is, what's going on with you? Because something ain't right.
Nothing, I'm fine. All right, liar.
Don't get me wrong, you've always been a bit of a gobshite.
But these antics of late, you know,
doing your face up like a hound's bowl of chopped liver.
It's not you.
You know, I do see a lot of myself in you.
So I'm going to tell you something you probably don't know about me.
OK.
I am a lesbian.
No, I... I knew that.
Really? Yeah. Oh.
But what I'm trying to say is,
if you are struggling with your sexuality, it'll fall into place.
See, the heart wants what it wants, Bethan. Cool? Yeah, but...
I'm not a lesbian.
Really? Yeah. Yeah, I'm not.
It's just like all the kids are, like,
chucking loads of fish at you, calling you a fanny licker.
I mean, I'm no Einstein. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
Cool, but, yeah, can we just not do this? Yeah, sure, no problem.
Fair play. Right.
But when you are ready to chat, my lugholes are, you know,
open all hours. Well, not all hours. School hours only.
I do have a life. I go netball and stuff, so, yeah. Yeah.
Nice chat. Nice chat.
Oh, my God, have you two been Scissor Sistering?
Oh, you're funny. Shut up now. Shut up now. Right, come on.
Right, enough, out. Out! Out now.
This way. The rest of you, come on!
The roles of head boy and head girl are not to be undertaken lightly.
You will be the faces of our school. Our champions in the community.
What's the point, Miss?
Poppy's clearly going to get it. Just give it to her now, like.
When I want your input, I'll ask for it. Duties include...
Are you coming to the park? I can't. Why? Because of the exam tomorrow.
Excuse me. Some of us are trying to listen.
Suck my dick, Peter.
What are you doing? I won't be verbally assaulted.
Just swap seats with Beth, then.
You should have got here early if you wanted to pick and choose seats. Settle down, please!
You'll have a week to run your campaign.
Then you'll make a speech to the whole of your year before
we cast our votes. Oi. Don't lie to me. Are you seeing Poppy?
No, I'm revising. Do you actually give a fuck about me?
Of course I do. What are you on about?
Have you ever heard of texting. It's a wonderful invention.
Ever heard of not being a cunt? I've never even been round your house.
Well, you can come round when the conservatory's finished.
If you don't come tonight, don't speak to me again.
You should chill, like. What have I done?
I'll come. Seriously, Peter, I am going to slap you. Yes?
Peter. Miss, just to flag. There's a lot of chatter going on in my row.
Oh, grow up. Bethan Gwyndaf.
Why am I not surprised?
I... Hush up or get out.
Names to me by Wednesday at the latest, please.
Thanks.
Mam?
I got you some flowers.
Mam?
Dad? Dad!
Mam's gone. She'll be upstairs. No, she's not! Fucking hell!
You need to move!
Come on, Mam... There's people waiting here!
I just need to get my money out. Come on! Sorry. She...
Had her wisdom tooth out earlier and they gave her some mad painkillers.
Come on. People are waiting. I think it's broken, that one. I know.
People are waiting. It's broken. Come on.
Mam.
Sorry I was slow.
I told you she wouldn't be far. That's not the point.
She could have stepped in front of a bus.
Anything could have happened to her. Why are you making a scene?
She's fine. I'm meant to be revising with my friend, mind.
INTERNAL DIALOGUE: Having the best night of my life, you prick.
Go on, then.
INTERNAL DIALOGUE: Yeah, and leave you to kill her?
It's fine.
Move! Eh!
Stupid prick.
What do you fancy? What? What do you fancy to eat?
Sirloin steak with peppercorn sauce, please.
OK. Er...
What about faggots and peas? That will be nice.
Thanks, Beth. It's OK.
Food is better shared. Sorry? Food is better shared.
You bought that. I bought that.
KNOCK ON DOOR
Get that!
Lazy twat.
You hungry? Aren't you meant to be at work?
Ah, told them I had the squits.
I had to come and treat my girls, didn't I?
Hiya, Treen. All right, love?
Now, a couple of strippers will sort you out.
Bet you never had food like that in hospital, did you? Awful.
She got out the house earlier, Nan.
Couldn't find her. What are you starting for?
Who's she? The cat's mother?
Why weren't you watching her? I can't be everywhere at once, can I?
You were pissed. Ah, here we go!
Dinner. Shove it.
He's a bit arsey.
Good riddance. All the more for us. Nan?
If you're going to be here for a bit, can I...
I've got a really big English exam tomorrow,
and I'm meant to be at my friend's.
What, now? Yeah, revising.
I came to see you. I know. It's just... It's an important one.
All right, go on, then. Serious?
It won't take me long. You'll be all right with me, Treen?
You used to shoplift clothes from Primark.
Don't go telling all my secrets.
Bingo caller Carl will be here for me at 10, so be back by then.
Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Don't need a baby-sitter. I know.
See you in a bit.
Hey. Hey. What ballet were they trying to take you to?
The new Matthew Bourne one. Oh, gross. I know. Come on.
Thanks.
INTERNAL DIALOGUE: I'm in Poppy's house. I'm in Poppy's house. I'm in Poppy's house.
Mum, I'm going to eat my food upstairs, OK? OK, love. Coming up?
Oh, my God, I'm in Poppy Cruikshank's house.
I might start doing Slimming World. My mum does it. She's lost 7lb.
She looks wicked.
You're a very boring man. What?
I mean, my mum's really struggled with her weight.
I'm really proud of her.
I don't care.
Right. Fine. Let's just cut your cake.
Oh, my God. Why would you do that? You're feral.
You've just ruined your cake. I hope Beth doesn't come.
If she comes now,
I'm going to tell her to fuck off and go and kill herself.
Excuse me. Eyes down, please. You're supposed to be working.
Being nosy. Mm.
What's this? Oh, look. What? Don't read that. It's embarrassing. Why?
I've been trying to write my head girl's speech, but it's so shit.
You're definitely going to get it.
You'll be wicked at it as well. I know, I just want to do a good job.
Are you going to go for it? Oh, no. No. Absolutely not.
I could help you write your speech, though, if you want?
I love all that stuff. Would you really?
Because I'm so shit at writing. No, you're not.
You're like the rare mix of being both popular and brainy.
This was a bad idea.
I can't focus with you here.
Sorry.
I'll try and be more invisible.
Why don't we just watch the film?
At least then we'll be, like, subliminally absorbing the story.
MOBILE BUZZES
This is it.
Come on. Sit on the bed.
I fucking got ready and everything.
Seriously, Trav, like who does she think she is?
Like she totally just bailed on me.
I've been her best friend for, like, so long.
And she looked in my face and she lied. I'm so fucked off with her.
I don't care if he cut off his whole arm. It's my birthday.
It'd be different if he was a proper amputee,
but this is just a cut, like...
Oi! Tony Chippy!
It's my birthday. Is it? How old are you, then? 21.
What are you going to give me as a present? That depends.
What are you going to give me? Oh, what do you want?
What do you like? Lydia. Lyds, just stop fucking talking to him.
He's gross.
Happy birthday, love.
Oh, my God, he's gagging for it. He makes my skin crawl.
Why have you got a face like a smacked arse?
Right, babe, I'm going to go. I'm sorry. Because of the exam. OK?
My mum wants me home. Fine, just go, then. Fine. Piss off.
Take your cake. Are you going to be all right getting back?
Just go if you're going!
Bye.
I'm surrounded by pussies.
JANE EYRE: I need to have a leave of absence
to see a sick lady who has asked for me.
What sick lady? Her name is Reed. She is my uncle's wife.
Imagine if you got dumped, and then your ex locked you in an attic.
Bertha, you poor cow.
Get on Tinder, babe.
I'd better go in a minute. Just five more minutes. It's nearly finished.
OK.
MOBILE BUZZES
"Hey, it's Bethan. Leave a message." Fuck!
Fucking...
Fuck.
Fuck it.
Oi, Tony!
Hiya.
I fell asleep. It's OK. I've really got to go.
Can't you just stay a bit?
And just hug me, just till I fall back asleep?
You do smell like chips, Tony. I know. Do you like chips? I love 'em.
It's my birthday. I know, sugar.
Fuck, it's midnight.
Shit. Shit, shit.
What are you doing? Just stay here.
I can't. My mum will go mad if I'm not home.
13 texts from Jamie Dalton. He needs to get some chill.
Why is he messaging? Because we've been dating, kind of.
Oh, cool. What d'you think? Do you like him? Not really, no.
As in, I don't know him, but, yeah, he seems cool.
Right, I've got to go.
Thanks for having me. Get home safe, babe.
Hey, love. Mam?
What's happened?
Why has he left you here?
Go on, tell me.
I kept running away.
I kept running away. OK.
Let's get you out.
Are they sore?
Let's put some cream on them.
OK.
I'm not well, am I, Beth?
No.
But you will be.
You're going to be.
I promise.
We'll get you better.
I'm sorry.
Please, please, just look at me.
Never... ever...
apologise to me, OK? I'm your daughter.
OK?
We'll get you better.
We will.
You won't let him in, will you?
No, no. I promise you.
You can sleep with me tonight.
Thank you.
It's OK.
Well, that went well.